There are certain institutions that we all still believe are unsusceptible to committing fraud. Nun convents would be a good example. Monasteries are another example of a noble cause run by people you’d assume to be virtuous. I’d lump in the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts into that group too, although Boy Scouts have gotten a bad rap due to a few bad apples who like to take advantage of boys. I can’t recall any bad stories involving carpet munching Girl Scout leaders and I also can’t tell you anyone I know who doesn’t like at least one of the types of Girl Scout Cookies they offer.

Of course, with the good (Thin Mints), comes the bad, in the form of overly aggressive parents at work. I thankfully haven’t encountered that in the past few years but there is nothing more annoying than a parent/boss who tries to guilt trip you into buying their child’s fundraising foodstuffs. There’s only so many canisters of flavored popcorn you can buy before you hit a saturation point.

Two years ago when we were still in the suburban wasteland that is Gwinnett County, a Girl Scout came by the house. I didn’t recognize her from the neighborhood but since the subdivision was over 300 houses, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. She had what I’m assuming to be her big sister (probably 16 or 17) standing back by the sidewalk. At the time I thought it was nice that she was watching out for her little sister and making sure nothing funny happens with strangers. Since I didn’t know her, I only ordered one box of Thin Mints and gave her the $3 or whatever it cost at the time. Usually I would never pay in advance, but she’s a Girl Scout. What could go wrong?

Weeks turned into months and I came to the realization that I’m never going to see those cookies. The very small part of my brain that is sympathetic to people thought that maybe she overlooked my house when she got the order or she came by several times and I wasn’t there. Of course, since I have very little faith in humanity, the realization that I got boned (not literally) by A GIRL SCOUT was a hard pill to swallow. Then it all made sense. She was probably being put up to this by her devious bigger sister. Evil Big Sister probably made her go door to door in her uniform, scamming people out of their money and then having to give half of it to her as part of the deal they made.

The bottom line is you can’t trust anyone. Sure it might hurt the legitimate people trying to do fundraising, but I’ll be damned if I ever buy anything from a kid that knocks at my front door again. Don’t ever promise me Thin Mints and then not deliver. Going almost 2 years without those kind of cookies almost killed me.